Obligated

I feel somehow obligated to put up a post, to talk about what's going on with me. But I don't have anything to say. I can't get up quickly, or slowly, and I can't bend over or else I lose my balance. I smacked my head into the closet door yesterday and nearly went down on the Ikea rug. The shakes are worse and are making it hard to type or use the mouse. I can't tell if the lymphedema is worsening because of the lithium or the deteriorating stockings because I can't afford new ones. And I forgot to eat dinner last night. It sat there right next to me, but I kept forgetting it was there. Jb tried to make me eat it. I just put it in the fridge. I am ... nowhere. I see the psych and therapist on Wednesday. Until then, I remain tired (I'm not sleeping well), unmotivated, and I feel like an old lady at 33. It's wearing on me. On a scale of 1-10 today, 10 being the best I've ever felt, which is more like a 12 when I'm hypo, I'd say I'm walking around at about a 3.

Vertical Issues

That's to say: I'm having trouble staying vertical. I've never been grace personified, but there are limits after which I will not take blame for my own actions. For example, the other night, I nearly took a header off the top stairs of our porch. I could see that "oh shit" look on Jb's face just before he reached out and got his arms around me. My hero, of course. Otherwise, I'd have fallen backward down the stairs and busted my head. Crazy person in the hospital with a head injury. Ba-bump ching. Funny, funny stuff, folks.

Anyway, I really don't know if it's a side effect of one of the meds or not. Zoloft is the most recent addition. But seriously, I walk around the apartment like I'm drunk. I'm good, and then all of a sudden my entire body wants to go to the right, and my feet are trying to catch up. I trip over myself constantly, and when I get up from sitting down, I often plop right back down because I can't quite get my balance. My ex-mother-in-law had an inner ear thing that kept her off balance, but I've no inner ear thing. Thus, I can only attribute it to meds.